Recently, while talking to a group of PTSD clients at a local clinic, I asked them what was the foremost concern when they first see a therapist about the trauma. Overwhelmingly, the consensus was whether their memories of the trauma would be believed. They were asking questions such as: how to tell if my trauma memory is real? How do I know if my trauma memory is valid?
Clinical psychologists and research psychologists disagree on how much personal trauma memory can be trusted as a matter of fact. Clinical psychologists, who sees patients every day, believe that memories are usually trustworthy even if not entirely accurate. Research psychologist however believe that there is no scientific evidence to support one way or the other, and therefore is inconclusive.
How to tell if my trauma memory is real or not? According to clinical psychologists, your personal trauma memory is most probably real, if:
- You intuitively feel that your personal trauma memory must be true, even when you try hard to not believe it
- Your personal trauma memory keeps returning even when you try to forget it
- Your personal trauma memory fits well with your habits, fears, behaviors, health problems and facts of other areas of your life
- At least some parts of your personal trauma memory is crystal clear, even if not entirely accurate or you cannot remember other aspects of the traumatic events
- Some parts of your personal trauma memory is cloudy or only exist in it to a real form
- Some parts of your personal trauma memory is fragmented rather than coherent story in time order
- Remembering your personal trauma memory and making sense of what actually did happen brings you some kind of relief
- Your personal trauma memory can be backed up by other evidence such as newspaper articles, school reports, eyewitnesses and so on
- Discussing your personal trauma memory have intense emotional impact on you, regardless if it is a huge sense of relief or extreme distress
If your intuition tells you that your personal trauma memory is or was real, even when you try hard to not believe, then the traumatic event probably did happen
According to clinical psychologist Dr Patel, when a traumatic event is so shocking that it is hard to believe that it did happen, it is important to trust your intuition as to whether it is real or not. More often and not, when your personal trauma memory is so unbelievable and impossible to imagine that it could possibly be true, it could also mean that it is almost impossible for you to imagine such a thing of create such a story. Instead of fighting against your intuition, Dr Patel recommends acknowledging your feelings and what did happen so that healing and recovery process can begin.
It is very comforting to know that my intuition can be trusted. The argument that if I can’t believe just how bad things were, then how am I supposed to have dreamed up such horrific stories about my past?
Lisa Whitehead
If your personal trauma memory keep returning, even after you try to forget it, then the traumatic event probably did happen
Clinical psychologist Dr Patel also suggest that the inability to forget is a clear sign that the personal trauma memory is real, and the traumatic event most probably did happen. Dr Patel and his colleagues conducted a study with over 500 clients and found that less than 20% could remember the details of a story they themselves have written six months ago. Therefore, Dr Patel and his colleagues believe that fabricated stories are most likely stored in the short-term memory as opposed to the long-term memory, and that is why it is easy to forget. On the other hand, personal trauma memory is known to be stored in the long-term memory during traumatic events, and therefore it is often difficult to forget even when we try. So, if your personal trauma memory keeps returning, even after you try to forget it, it probably did happen.
When I learned that fabricated stories, or things that are only now imaginations, are unlikely to be stored in the long-term memory, it was a mixed feeling of relief and grief. I was relieved to know that I am not going crazy, but I also grieve for the lost of my innocent childhood. But since I am able discuss these emotions with my therapist, now I am able to have a happy and fulfilling life.
Geoffrey Preda
If your personal trauma memory fit with your habits, fears, behaviors, symptoms, health problems, or the facts of your life as you know them, then the traumatic event probably did happen
According to clinical psychologist Dr Melbourne, it is actually incredibly hard to come up with a personal story that fits every aspects of your personality, historical events and the environment in which that story is based. Invariably discrepancies with some aspects due to oversight could be found. Dr Melbourne further explained that we have all experienced this to some extent. For example, when recalling a certain event, a family member may challenge the accuracy of our memory on the basis of our habits, or personalities. Therefore Dr Melbourne is convinced that if the personal trauma memory fits with existing patterns or what is known about the time, place and environments of the events, and then the traumatic event most probably did happen.
It was very difficult to believe this is exactly what the priest did to me when I was little. However, now as a young adult, when I discuss the matter with my parents, every little bit of the jigsaw fitted. Although it has taken me years to realize what was happening to me, I am grateful for the reassurance that my personal trauma memory is real and valid, and I am thankful for the help I received from Rape Crisis Counseling Services.
Clare Goodman
If certain aspects of your personal trauma memory is crystal clear, then even if not necessarily 100% accurate, the traumatic event probably did happen
Prof Austin Rothschild has conducted more than 10 years worth of research studies into PTSD memories. “In most cases”, he said, “memories of traumatic events are somehow distorted or overly focused where important to survival at the time of the trauma”. Prof Rothschild continued to explain that when the brain somehow believe that these details are exceptionally important to remember for future reference in case of a danger, these aspects of the traumatic events tend to be crystal clear in the memory. People usually worry about the fact that some details may not be hundred percent accurate, but Prof Rothschild says, “personal trauma memory in PTSD is typically not hundred percent accurate because they are memories that were processed during highly stressful time, and therefore it would be unreasonable to expect high accuracy. In fact, before details are so accurately remembered, and the story doesn’t sound true to me”.
I have always known what happened to me as a child, but it was difficult to seek help because my memory of the events are not always right. For example I have an email of what I saw during the event, but I know some of the background information in that image could not possibly be true. So I know my brain has merged the actual event with something else. It really wasn’t until I began to study psychology and decided to become a therapist that I realise my experience is very common. I would encourage all who have similar experience to speak to a qualified professional and do not hesitate out of concern because of the lack of accuracy in the memories.
Alison Wyatt
If certain aspects of your personal trauma memory is cloudy, missing or only exist in picture form, then the traumatic event probably did happen
Following on from the discussion above, Prof Austin Rothschild explains that when memories of traumatic events are processed during extreme stress, the brain automatically focuses on survival needs. And that means any information during the events that should have been available to the person but is not considered to be of critical survival importance by the brain, that part of the memory is likely to be ignored, or partially processed, or simply captured in picture form. Therefore, as counterintuitive as it sounds, hazy memory and snapshot memory of the events is actually a clear sign that the traumatic event probably did happen.
When I was bullied by members of staff in the boarding house, it was really tough. I can’t remember the names of the staff, nor what they said to me. All I could remember was carrying a 30kg bag on my back, and the color of the staircases. It was green carpet with black plastic edges, and it smelt musty. Even when the memory is so limited, I still get emotional flashbacks and panic attacks. With help though, I learn that these memories are still there somewhere and inability to recall is not a barrier to treatment.
Rachel Damni
If your personal trauma memory come in fragments or bits and pieces, then the traumatic event probably did happen
Much like the discussion in the last two sections, personal trauma memory can also come fragmented, in bits and not in any sensible order. That is why PTSD is sometimes described as memory filing system gone wrong. The brain gets over sensitive about certain details, events, words, smells etc thinking you’re in danger again, and at the same time forgetting details that really would be quite helpful for your recovery later on. In any case, this is yet another major sign that your personal trauma memory is real and valid, and that the traumatic even probably did happen.
It used to worry me when my personal trauma memory comes in bits and in odd order. I couldn’t remember the order of events, and I still can’t. But it’s comforting to know that that doesn’t mean the traumatic event didn’t happen at all. In fact, that knowledge allows me to seek professional support. Yes, so at 37 yrs of age, I’m finally getting married knowing that I’m not insane, and knowing how to cope with my PTSD.
Roger Carr
If recalling your personal trauma memory brings you a sense of relief, understanding, or increased strength, then the traumatic event probably did happen
This is closely linked to intuition. When something traumatic happens to you, and you know somehow that it is real, because you are feeling all the emotions and physical effects of it, somehow having it acknowledged brings you relief. That is because you no longer have to battle with th tension between your intuition and logical evidence seeking. According to Dr. Patel, the clinical psychologist mentioned earlier on, the very fact that it troubles you so much to think that none of it is real actually goes to prove that your personal trauma memory is real and valid, and that the traumatic event did happen.
For me, when my personal trauma memory is acknowledged to be real, I get a sense of relief that I’m not going crazy in imagining all these horrific things. And to then take the whole thing apart bit by bit to examine the impact this is having on me, and how it affects my sense of security was enlightening.
Katy Marsh
If your personal trauma memory Can you find corroboration of what you remember from other sources (people, newspaper articles, medical reports)?
While this may seem obvious, and may trigger some kind of anger as you reason, “If I had those evidence, then I wouldn’t be so stressed as to whether my personal trauma memory is real and valid”! Yes, that’s true, but evidence can come from the most unexpected places. Just the other day, I was talking to a service user about this topic. Who would have thought the owner of a corner shop would end up testifying that her older brother used to take her to a dark ally way, and it used to puzzle him what the kids were up to? Just shows, doesn’t it?
Sometimes it is hard to believe there could be any evidence to prove the child abuse when it was so long ago. But for me, when I finally challenged my uncle about it, my brother got to hear about it. Now, my uncle denied it all, but my brother phoned me and said he too experienced the same, and that our younger sister did too. You never know until you try.
Rogan Barker
If feel intense emotions when thinking about or talking about your personal trauma memory, then the traumatic event probably did happen
Clinical psychologists generally agree that the intense emotions that comes with thinking about or talking about your personal trauma memory is indicative of it being real and valid, and that the traumatic event did happen. Dr. Edwards is an experienced psychiatrist specializing in legal cases where sometimes clients may be tempted to exaggerate their story or even fabricate something for the court case. “It is almost impossible to fake the intense emotions that comes with having truly experienced traumatic events where it is life threatening or serious enough to cause PTSD”, says Dr. Edwards. He continues, “The pain is often so hard to describe and overwhelming that the inability to communicate adds frustration to the already painful and stressful situation. If you have not experienced it, you can’t imagine it, and so you can’t fake it really”.
I was brought up in a posh family with very high social standing. It was like nothing could ever go wrong in my life. But when my school teacher abused me, things changed. Yet no one would believe me. “It’s a very good school and a very expensive one, they can’t possibly do a thing like that”, said my parents. But when my stress, anxiety and depression got really bad, my parents had to take me to the doctor. Dr. Tze was so kind and patient, and he listened to all that I had to say. Then, he firmly told my parents that the abuse is the best explanation for my symptoms, and referred me to a counseling service near by. Today, I still feel the pain, but I am able to cope with it, and I know what to do when those feelings come up.
Ka Man Tao
Take Away Points
So, as you can see, there may be many reasons that you doubt the truthfulness of your personal trauma memory. The fact is though, many of the reasons that caused you to doubt in the first place may well be the very thing proves to a professional that you really did experience that trauma, that your personal trauma memory is real and valid, and that the traumatic event did happen. If this is troubling you, why not speak to your parents today and ask to consult a physician? You may be surprised just how supportive these people can be and what a difference that could make.